What I have learned

Here is a list of things I have learned over the last 120 days or so. This is in NO specific order, just how I am spitting them out.

I learned that a "fistula" is ugly and makes your arm fat due to expanding your veins. I learned that I can be a better patient if it means NOT having to get one of those. I learned that surgery is painful. I learned people are patient, I am just not included in that statement. Recently I have learned the importance of being organized. Doing Dialysis from home is hard work. Making sure everything has a place helps getting set-up. Documentation is crucial. If you don't document, you forget and making things up won't work either. I learned that if you "tug" on your port from your belly, holy hell that hurts. I also was reminded that getting a port out of your boobie isn't fun either. I again remembered that I really hate idle chit chat. I don't care why you are at dialysis, I can only assume it is because your Kidney's do not function properly. I learned that I can scream at Dr. Plumb, tell him totally inappropriate things, and he still likes me and wants me to feel as best as I can. I did really learn that for a Kidney patient, it is best to order a hamburger and onion rings when eating out. I am not used to that, I miss my grilled chicken, no mayo. I don't like to mow my mom's lawn, but someone will get to it tomorrow. So rather then waiting for "tomorrow", Patti and I do it on Monday's. I don't have as much energy that I did in March or April. May has brought a light to my eye that reminds me I am sick and will need to rest more then I want to. I figured out that Phosphorous and Potassium shouldn't be consumed by a Kidney patient. I also don't know what that means exactly, but they tell me to avoid such things. I learned that I have saved a lot of crap. I am packing for the big move, and I probably have hundreds, I mean HUNDREDS of pictures from weddings past. I did find one of a couple that isn't even married anymore. Really?!?!? I have also learned it is ok to let things go. I can still hold a grudge, but physically, I don't 'need' so many things. I just want more then you. Fact. I have learned that I love summertime. I love the College World Series. I love going to work at Blue. I love that I can bitch and bitch and people still love me. Well, they at least still talk to me. I have learned that I am lucky to have a lot of people in my life. Dougherty is my "go to gal" and she will listen and listen and listen and never interrupt. Thanks Champ! Today was a good day. I wanted to let people know all the things I have learned and all the things I will continue learning.

I guess I am just ready for the big dinner/party. This event will take off so much stress from me, my family, and the entire wing they will name after me at UNMC. (kidding, I just feel like I should have a wing) Please remember, if you are not golfing, you can still come to the dinner (4323 Washington Street). If you can't do that, and want to make a donation, (Megan Sharpe Benefit, 7210 Sun Valley Dr, Omaha, NE 58157)

9 days til the Klassic!!

Memory Lane

I am taking a trip down memory lane. Some people may love this... others may not care. But I needed a little "pep me up" so this is what I came up with.

I sure complain a lot. It is something I have done and will always do. But what a lot of people may not know about me, I care a lot too. I always worry about how other people are doing, and what has been happening to them. I really hate, I mean, HATE that people are now worrying about me. Worrying about how I am doing and all sorts of other issues. So guess what, I am going to take come time and look back at all the good things that have been going on, and the things that will be happening. Over the last few days and weeks I have been doing a lot of reminiscing about college. Gina sent my sister an email this week, and at the end it said, "miss ya buddy". I laughed. I mean I literally laughed and remembered college. I remembered when Melanie, Kathy, Kyle and I lived in Roberta and how we would go get Big Mac's on Mondays for .99. It was a hell of a deal. On real good days, we would get fries and hot mustard. We had no worries and no cares. I mean we cared about what shirt we would wear with our black pants. We cared about what drink we would get at the Outback. Things were simple then. The first time I ever lived on my "own" was with Vanessa and Kristi. That was a hoot. Poor Vanessa. We once put her bed in the dining room because she never was home. We had a sheet that EVERYONE signed when they came over to "Village Ho". Again, we weren't worrying about anyone but ourselves. In the duplex we used to have party after party... Poor Gina got a MIP because someone answered the door when the cops knocked. Freshman fools. Again, our biggest concern was paying the fine. I don't think we even did that. I look back at years when the biggest concern was making sure we were able to get to class. Wasn't life simple then? The Beach house and the "Blue Party" (everyone wore Blue bc they were sad). Or that damn Mariah Carey song, "All I want for Christmas is you!"... that song still makes me smile.

Now with the magic of Facebook, I along with everyone else can see the professionals and adults we have become. People with kiddos. People with careers that I tell you what, 11 years ago, I NEVER would have imagined you'd be doing that. Times have changed, and now that people worry about me, I feel bad. Can you imagine, feeling bad because people care?!? The Kidney Klassic will be a great time for me to personally thank everyone that have been a part of my life and will continue to be in my life til someone other then me has bigger plans.

Now, here is another change that is happening in the life of Meggie. I am moving. I am moving in with my extended family. Some people may remember all the pictures, and the amazing people who would come to Homecoming in Maryville to see me, but would also bring down my parents. They are amazing. They have opened their home to me so that I can stay somewhere where I am able to keep all of my "stuff" in regards to doing dialysis from home. They are truly amazing people. I used to watch their daughters when volleyball was on Thursday nights. They lived directly across from my parents house, and when it was time for me to go home, Dave would say, "I'll take you home". He would open the door, let out the dog, and by the time Sable did her business, I was in the house. 18 years these people have been part of my life, and in this new adventure, I am thankful, blessed, and honored to be accepted into their home!!! I will be moving after the Klassic.... but very soon after.

I am feeling good. Am I sad? yes. Am I happy? yes. I am a bit of everything right now, and at this moment, I feel great. (check in about 30 min from now). I don't pray a lot, but that damn Serenity Prayer says it all. It isn't just for AA and NA. Just saying!!

Thanks again, I really can't tell you all thanks enough!!!

Financial Mental Breakdown #6

I think that I am a very giving person. I don't forgive people easily, but I usually can at least tolerate them, (except one person that I hate, and only my family know who that is...) I still hate her. So today, today I am having what I think is about the 6th financial mental breakdown of the month.

I give a lot to people, I come to their events, I do whatever I can whenever I can. Right now I have been going through a lot of emotional events so I am a bitch one minute, and am sweet the other moment(s). As people get older, they get sick, they have families, and they go on with their lives. I need to take time and thank the many people who are taking time out of their weekend to golf in an outing that helps me. There are over 100 people who will be golfing 18 holes and having a fabulous time. And to each and every one of them, I thank you! I thank you very much. I have a few amazing friends from KC MO coming up to help with shots, with selling raffle tickets, and supporting me at the time in my life I need the most support. I even have a friend coming from Branson. Branson is about 9 hours from Omaha. I am totally emotional when I think of how far people are coming to help me raise money. Erica came from San Diego. Vanessa from Branson. Cara, Ali, Ang, and others from KC will take a day away from their daughters, (all of them have girls only... 6 total!) Anyway, they have a lot going on, and people will stop and help me. As this is getting closer, and I am seeing how much people do for me, I can feel the love. I mean Kim Schrack has done more then I can even begin. Sarah R and Farley... those two are my everything! well, they are Patti's everything right now. Melanie ordered shirts and all profits go to helping with bill. What about Dawn from the Marylebone?? She has donated so many items, time, and ideas. If you need a bar to get your drink on, or an amazing burger... go to the Marylebone!! Amazing!!

I learned years ago from a supervisor that, "Crisis is an opportunity to learn". I have learned that people care, people love, and people support! This crisis in my life has given me the chance to realize how much people can love and care. I have also learned about who can't come and maybe for reasons I am unable to tolerate. But that is the selfish Megan speaking...

I really hope people understand I can't give like I used to. But if people stop and think about what I have done... coming to Omaha for a few hours and an event to not stock my kitchen, or give me new bath towels. This event is to help with the over 8,000 dollars the University of Nebraska Medical Center is charging me. Yes, I have insurance, but being a patient for over 20 years... and not affording them for all my life, it adds up. So far over the last 2 years alone, my hospital bill is over 6,000 and that doesn't include out of pocket expenses. Out of pocket which includes prescriptions, doctor visits, etc...

I again want to thank EVERYONE who will be coming to the dinner, the golf, and the evening of drinks. This is to help with the costs of this disastrous event that has currently taken over my life!

I can't say thanks enough

me again...

Thought I would take a few moments out of my day and let people know that I am feeling much better. I have been on antibiotics for a few days and that has helped tremendously. I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and concerns... I really am back to myself and am feeling better then I have in weeks!! I probably didn't rest enough when I went from one form of dialysis to another.

Other then being knocked down for a few days, everything else is going well with the new form of dialysis. I really just plug myself in and lay in bed. I am able to sleep fine and am able to walk to the kitchen in case I want a drink/snack. What happens is the machine fills me up with some fluid, and it works as a "magnet" to get all the toxins out of my body. It "dwells" for about an hour, it drains, and repeats that 4x throughout the evening. The machine is quiet, but loud enough so I know that it is working. I have a system set up, and am able to get from one place to another. It has been about a month and I am STILL following rules and procedures. I did have a fatty-mc-fatty Burger King sandwich today, but F it. I don't care!! :) I can "walk" it off. Funny thing, I literally can walk without thinking I am dying!! Amazing what 30 extra lbs does to someone!

Patti is getting ready for the Kidney Klassic, which is in just 2 weeks!! June 5, 2010 at Knights of Columbus Hall... 4323 Washington Street. She has told me that over 100 people have signed up to golf, and she hopes about 1000 people will come to the dinner!! PLEASE tell your family, your friends, your neighbors, and whomever else likes to help people in dire need!!It really is going to be a lot of fun! Many friends and family have been working really hard on making this successful, and all we need now is a lot of people to come and drink the beer and eat the food. It is going to be a great time for an amazing cause.

So once again, thanks for the thoughts, the concerns, and most definitely the patience to deal with me. See you all on the 5th!!

Checking in...

Sorry that I haven't written in a while, but the last week has been a very tough one. I have been "sick" and just not myself. I went to the ER last Saturday due to an infection in my catheter site. I was placed on antibiotics and since then, I have felt like crap. All week I have been nauseous and tired. Yesterday, which was Thursday I finally went to see Plumb and he doesn't know what is going on. I have chills, and feel feverish, but no fever. I can't sleep well at night, but during the day and exhausted. I compare it to how I felt before dialysis. Just bitchy and tired. But this time, I puke a lot and have no appetite. I am sure everything will be fine in time, but I just hating feeling "not myself".

Thanks.

I've made the cut!!

Well, I have made the cut... I mean I have been selected to wait on the official Kidney Transplant List. What this means is that the weight has been lost, the meds have been taken, and everything else they asked, I have done. We should go back a few weeks because for some reason I thought I was on the "list", but the nurse placed me on the 5th of May at about 4pm. So I guess by the year 2013 I should have a Kidney. UGHH... so far.

My nurse explained to me that the list doesn't consist of a "number" but rather a blood type. If I am "chosen" for a Kidney, they will have a few people that they call/contact. I guess you are able to deny the organ, or pass it. Really?? who would pass it up?? After talking to her, I guess people do pass it up. They don't want a certain aged organ or a certain race... etc. When you do get the "call" there are about 4 people on that specific list and they start from the top down.

I guess I can offically get the "call" at any point, but I won't be expecting it for some time... about 3 to 5 years. A lot can change, and you never know... I could get lucky.

Only a few weeks until the "Kidney Klassic"... so that is exciting. I had a dream last night that it was a bust. No one came and it was horrible!! I know that isn't the case, but still, that would suck!!

Patti is still accepting donations for the dinner and silent auction. Golf is very full, so Patti would love to have people come to the Knights of Columbus hall at 4323Washington Street. Dinner will be served from 3 to 6 and then people are more then welcome to stay and drink and have fun... again, contact Patti with more information.

I will try and do better about keeping people in the "loop"... I just don't have a lot to say about home dialysis...