Mixed Emotions

Well, this is it. Tomorrow is the big day, and to tell everyone the truth, I have had so many mixed emotions over the last few hours. It started at dinner. My amazing cousin from NY surprised me and my mom and flew in for the Klassic. When we were at dinner tonight several mentions of our parents, who have both passed kept coming up. Such things like how Aunt Bernadette would have loved the Marylebone bar. We mentioned little things that my dad from Brooklyn would have loved about this weekend, and also how much he would have hated to see why we had to do this. I then thought about other people in my life that I love and have loved. All the people that donated time and everything else to make this such a great success. I started to miss even the people that aren't part of my immediate family. The people who would have loved to help. Who would have worked the grill and would have spent a lot of money to help me out. When people are sick, they get to say "good-bye" they get to tell people how much you care, or how much you love them. I don't say it enough. I don't tell people how important they are and how thankful I am to be part of THEIR lives, let alone part of mine. Opportunity passes by so quickly, I wish I was better about recognizing it.

I know people may not believe this, but I haven't cried since this all began. I didn't cry when I got a port, when I got surgery, I just was pissed!!!!! I was mad at everyone and no one could bring me back up. Tonight, tonight I cried. I am thankful for everything that has been done. Donations are massive. Desserts are plenty. And people won't stop giving. It is like a "pay it forward"... my goal is to get a new kidney along with a new start.

Tomorrow is going to be amazing... so much has been making me think about all those people in my life that are no longer with us. Not just my family, but everyone. This weekend makes me remember to say "I love you" and "thanks!"

So to all of you... I love you and thanks for all you do to keep me moving forward!! Lets have a great time!! (god knows it is going to be memorable)