Questions that drive me crazy!

some questions that drive me crazy may include, but are not limited to the following...

1. Date of Birth? I am so sick and tired of the hospital asking me what my date of birth is. I mean it hasn't changed in 31 years, and know for a fact it won't ever change. Take notes, look at my UNMC file, and answer that damn question yourself.

2. Address? I have my mom's address listed for several reasons. I know she won't EVER move, and she loves when I visit, so why not at least get my mail when I am over. Again, this address hasn't changed in 31 years, and I hope to get many more years out of that place!!

3. Medication? I get that people and their medication changes. When I only go to one hospital, and the fact I have been a "patient" a total of 4 times in the last 2 months... don't you think my medication list is pretty up to date?

4. Emergency Contact? Is Kevin Sharpe still your brother? Well... depends. He is still alive. He is still my mother's son. So yes, I would consider him a brotha'. Do you know his address? Yes, it is the one you have listed... and same with his phone number. D-bag!!

5. Nurse Ratchet --"Did you receive the yellow piece of paper that goes over all instructions for tomorrow?" Megan -- "yes ma'am I did, I understand what medication to take, what not to take, and what Insulin to take as well." Nurse replies - "Great, I will just go over it once more to make sure you understand everything". (Tears are now in my eyes... are you F'in kidding me?!?!)

6. Do you still have Coventry? Yes. Do you still wear glasses/contacts? Yes. Do you still have all of your teeth? Yes. Do you understand why you are coming to the hospital tomorrow? Yes. Do you know how to get to the hospital (tears well up again)... "ma'am I a patient there about 2 weeks ago, and about a month ago. I also see all of my doctors at this hospital, do you really question my ability to get to the Medical Center?"... I am now counting to 25 in my head.

7. OK, so are your disabilities still the same? Diabetic? Yep... didn't grow out of that one yet. End Stage Renal Disease? Yep... hence the Dialysis Catheter I am getting. What about history of Ulcers? Yep... (might even be getting a current one as well).

I understand people need to go over this information. I really do. But when you tell them that nothing has changed, you tell them that over the last 2 weeks (when we did this same thing) that everything is still the same as before. I just don't get it. I am confused and SUPER annoyed. I try to do my best and let them answer the questions, but come the F on... it gets so old so quickly.


Thursday April 1, 2010 -- I will be checking in to UNMC/Clarkson Hospital at 6am to have surgery at 7am. This will be a Catheter placement in my abdomen. This thingy will allow me to do Dialysis from home and give me back a lot of freedom. I will let people know how it goes as soon as I get home.

Ear Piercing

I just wanted to post this video. Most people think that this may be mean, but I want everyone to know that Kayla BEGGED to get her ears pierced. Anyone who knows me knows how important she and Brandon are to me. I won't be having kids of my own, so I want to spoil them like no ones business... I am very successful thus far!! Both Brandon and Kayla get everything they want!!

This is a few seconds of a little girl so darn excited to get her ears pierced, and the 30 seconds afterwards. I just think the excitement on a childs face is awesome, and the aftermath is priceless!

Kayla got her ears pierced in December of 2009 (this is the video Aunt Meggie took)... today is March 30, 2010 and she still hasn't taken them out. Poor baby thinks every time she does it, it will hurt.

It is moments like this one that make me want to fight. Do I get pissed and want to quit? Yes. Will I?? Hope not!! I hope that all my family, and all my friends, and all their kids can be around for years to come so we can make many more videos and memories such as this one!!

Dialysis

I wanted to explain what Dialysis is like and what goes on. I am not the best at remembering all the appropriate information, so I asked the Amazing Suzi at Dialysis to explain what the machine did and how everything worked. Hope this is able to answer a few more of your questions.

I really just sit in the chair and listen to people. I hate a lot of them, not due to any fault of theirs, I just don't want to chit chat and talk about the weather. Yes, I am mean. Do I care? God no. Some people just don't like to talk and shoot the shit.

Dialysis has been getting easier. My nurse puts me on a certain profile that will take off a lot of fluid fast, and then slows down as the treatment continues. Weeks ago I wasn't able to leave right away or even drive myself home. Now I am able to do all of that. I can drive home and my blood pressure is much more stable. Overall, everything has been ok, but the God's honest truth is that I am ready to do all of this from home. Thursday will be another big day in the "new normal". When the Catheter is placed, I will be weeks away from being able to do this at home. And for that, I am thankful. And for all the other freedoms that will come with the "at-home treatment".

Random thoughts...

Over the weekend i have had the opportunity to appreciate those who are around me. I think that as people come and go so damn quickly, we forget about the people who are closest to us. I know who those people are. Whether they live near or far, its nice to know they exist. Katie, Sarah, and I got together Saturday night and laughed for hours. We didn't drink. We didn't go out. We sat in Sarah and Cari's beautiful home and remembered why we are such great friends. It was nice to sit there, talk and not have to ponder about blood types, kidney's, or what i can't do. Yes, we did talk about the "transplant adventure" but it wasn't lingered on. We talked about their lives, their families, and everything that was precious on my heart!! Thanks girls!!



I am 31 years old and haven't lost any friends via death. I know that people die in high school, in college, and as random acts, but I haven't had to deal with a close friend my age dying. What I have had to deal with is a lot of death via parents. Yes, parents die, but not at age 50, 42, 53, etc... etc... Since i have been in high school parents have died via cancer, tragic accidents, heart attacks, COPD, and a variety of other disasters. I know that people say, "what would you do if you had one month, one week, one day left on this earth". I always respond the same way, "I wouldn't do anything different". The great thing about being around death is that I don't tip toe around anyone. if i don't like you, you know it. If i need something done, i will tell you. Why do people worry so much about what others think? Don't get me wrong, i used to be like that. I used to worry about what everyone thought of me, but as i have gotten more sick, and as people close to me and my friends have died, i don't give two shits what people think. It is important to be honest, be truthful, and not worry so much about others. There was a time i wasn't going to do Dialysis, where i wasn't going to do whatever it took to live, but things change. I have changed. People can change. I am learning, change isn't so bad. :) I hope people look at this experience as a time to change. I still hate people and those people know who they are. I still love people, and they too know who they are.


I do want to thank those people who have signed up for golf. Those people who have sent donations and those people who pray for me. I know that this is a dead horse, but PLEASE contact Patti for a golf spot or to send any donations/auction items to her. You can reach the Amazing Patti Shanahan at 402-415-1931 or via email at pshanahan4@cox.net



I will be getting the Catheter placed on Thursday morning. Sure I will be having panic attacks/anxiety all this week and will let all of you know exactly what I am feeling.

Brandon -- if you read this, life isn't that hard!! Be happy!! Many people love you and want you to be happy! Stop being a grump!!

And finally... this line, this character, she is me... she says EXACTLY what she is thinking!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdWfqKI8x5g

Here we go again...

Next Thursday, April 1, I will again be going "under". Not a transplant of course, because when that happens, i will be pooping my pants in excitement or because of my nerves. Haven't figured that one out just yet. Anyway... April 1 I will be getting a "catheter" placed in my belly so that i can have Dialysis from home. Question one, I won't be able to do this for about a month until the Catheter has time to heal and make itself a home. Question two, I won't be able to wear bikini's at the Schrack pool because i can't get it submerged in water. Sorry girls!! ha ha ha!! Question three, I will not have to go to a treatment location three times a week, i will just have to "plug in" when i go to bed nightly. Yes, i will be doing this every night, but the doctors/nurses think that this will be best for my current lifestyle. By "lifestyle" i mean, leaving my house, leaving town, seeing friends, working nights, and all that jazz!! So hopefully I will be able to work some more at night so i can get some bills down. I asked yesterday and the Financial Advisor said that if i didn't have insurance every Dialysis treatment is 1300 dollars. Holy Crap!!

So this morning i met with a doctor that will put me completely under next week. He said that everything looked good, and that it shouldn't be too big of a deal. Here's to hoping that is the case. I will be going to Clarkson Hospital a week from today, and if everything goes ok, i should be out and resting no more then 12 hours later.

I promise to keep everypne up to date. Thanks for your patience, support, and love!!

Over it...

I just want people to know i for some reason hate everyone and everything so far this week. Dr. Plumb came and spoke to me during Dialysis last night, and I told him I was "over it" and he needed to get me on some list or figure some way to get my "old life" back. I was ok with the new Megan for about 30 days. Hell, that was a lot longer then i thought i would have lasted. I sit in that damn chair, I wait and wait and wonder what the hell is going on!?!? He said he would talk to someone. Really?!?! who does he plan on talking to? Not like i am at the Outback and know the bouncer, "let me cut". We are talking about lives now. Not like because people like me I can cut to the front of the line. Real world shouldn't work like that!! :)

Dr. Plumb thought that i was on the transplant list, but would follow up and get back to me shortly. I guess i have to be fortunate enough to have an amazing doctor that can tolerate me and my "breakdowns". As of now, my immediate family can't donate a Kidney, and people who know me, know that I won't accept it from a friend, etc. I mean how will people pay for it? I mean they will be out of work, out of an income, recovery, hospital bills. I won't expect someone to do that for me. Guess i have to wait for some other family's misfortune for my success. That sucks. No if, ands, or buts about it... it sucks!!

ok. thanks. people might be able to understand my hatred this week and for the upcoming weeks/months/ and possible years... i really am sorry, but i mean this sucks. i want to be fun and carefree. I want a Diet Dr. Pepper!!! but due to diet restrictions, no dice!

Makes me think... i will explain diet restrictions when i am much more pleasant.

Where does the money go and what is it used for?!?

I wanted to explain the fundraiser that my sister is having. In Nebraska people love to golf and drink... so why not mix the two of them, and help me with medical bills?! Over the last year and a half I have been getting medical tests that cost thousands and thousands of dollars. These various tests tell me if i am ok to actually get a Kidney Transplant. They have to check my heart and make sure it can handle the upcoming stress... clear. They needed to also check my bones and bone density... good. I said to the doctor, "so i AM big boned? not fat... right? Ha ha!!" I mean they did every test to see if i was ok to follow through with such a surgery. So far, so good. Well, not really, i had to lose a crap ton of weight, but that has been taken care of as well.

Let's fast forward... my sister, friends, and family have learned of the costs that come with such a massive surgery. Yes, i do have medical insurance. Yes, i do have an income. But in case i get even more sick, or in case they are unable to find a donor, in case i have to stay in the hospital due to such things as infection, etc... i will have assistance already set aside. I am not a bad person. I rarely ask for help, but i may soon be in dire need.

A bank account has been set up at Security National Bank in Omaha. I will also be calling UNMC to see if people who want to help can directly send donations to them. I use this account at the bank for my thousands of uninsured dollars to the Nebraska Medical Center. As possible donors are reading this, please remember that I am also diabetic. I am also under medical care for Diabetes and have one hundred and twenty five dollars of prescriptions every month in addition to out of cost expenses.

Anyway, I wanted people to know that I am an honest person, and all donations go solely to the medical bills I have. I am not going to NYC, although I would love to go there instead!! I am not going to any exotic locations due to Dialysis. Hell, I haven't even been to KC, MO for at least 6 months. I used to go there every weekend... I sure miss those days!

I again am very thankful and grateful for everyone that reads this "jibberish" and knows that this isn't an easy time for me, and I am not ok with all the help i need. Look at it this way, i won't ever have a baby shower, and don't plan on having a wedding shower either. The Kidney Klassic can be both my wedding and baby shower(s). Have to laugh at that one!!

What is something I NEVER try and ask for...

Something that I never attempt to ask for is "help". I try to do things alone, and always give the answer, "I got it, I'm ok". Guess what, right now I need help. I hate that a "fundraiser" is being planned, but when people want to help, and when people offer to do "anything", we are now looking for help.

Patti is planning a golf outing, dinner, drinks, and silent auction that will take place June 5, 2010. Golfing will be at Shoreline in Carter Lake, Iowa, and should be quite entertaining. She is taking 4somes at $55 each person. Holes can be sponsored for a donation of $100. And any auction items will also be accepted. I know that a lot of my friends, family, and random people who read this know people. Here are some things that Patti would like to see be donated... and for the places that already have made donations, and for the people that have already signed up to golf, i am honored and very very thankful for your support!!

KC Chiefs or Royals Tickets
Worlds of Fun Passes or Adventureland
Cooking Classes -- maybe w some Pampered Chef goodies
Wine Tasting at someones home
Sporting Tickets -- Omaha, Lincoln, KC, anywhere really
Airline Gift Cards
Golf Course Passes
Tools
Booze
Hotel Rooms
Restaurant passes
Sporting Memorabilia
Ollie the Trolley rental
Limo rental

I haven't ever been to an event like this, and I guess I am just thinking of random things! Please if you have any ideas, suggestions, etc... etc... PLEASE email Patti and let her know.

And for the golfers that have signed up, again, thank you! You will be having a lot of fun AND helping me out!! Trust me, transplantation or not, any "party" I am involved in throwing will be worth every dime you can spare.

you can reach my sister Patti at 402-415-1931 or email at pshanahan4@cox.net

Here is to having good days and to admitting the doctors were right, and I would feel better and more energetic when dialysis started. Damn him!!! I won't tell Plumb that he is a great doctor and hasn't been wrong yet... my kidney's actually did stop working!! Ha ha ha!!

Much love... M

I lied...

I thought i would have been ok on St. Patrick's day while at Dialysis. I lied. I was PISSED!!!! It all started when i was messaging friends from college and reminsised about all the great memories right when I arrived to work. I was happy to see that they too were working and were also upset about all the life changes. So, rather then missing out, I went down to the Marylebone and took a deep breath. During my ten minutes in the bar, I was able to take in the atmosphere, the one thing i was going to miss the most. So I went in, looked, felt better, then went back to work. Little did i know that Lolly wanted to see the "bags and pipes"... my dad loved that music, and St. Patrick's Day is another memory we have of him. So what did I do??!?!? I went BACK down to the Marylebone to hear the music, and was back to work within 20 minutes. I have to be thankful for where Goodwill Industries is located, OR that the Marylebone happens to be so close to where I work. I mean really, six of one, half dozen of another! I am just damn lucky!! I did go to Dialysis at my regular time of 4pm. Melanie and Kelsie were precious enough to want to meet up after treatment! I mean Melanie probably drove a total of 60 miles just to see me for ten minutes. Poor Kelsie, when she walked in, I couldn't even stand anymore, and left almost immediately. I am lucky enough to know that Kelsie was ok with it and didn't take it personally. Trust me, I would have loved to stayed!!!
As i walk across Leavenworth Street I look to the left, and who do i see!?? The only people left of the evening i HAD NOT yet seen. Sarah Rock and her awesome family!! I now felt at peace and happy for the pain i was feeling at that moment. I had already seen Jenna and Julie. Also ran into Erika and David Rock... so all i was missing was Sarah, Heather, Allison, and Claire. Guess what??? Those drunks were outside!! it was great!

I now am looking forward to St. Patrick's 2011. If I have my way, i won't be working, i will be watching and laughing with the very best of them!! For those of you that have and have not been to the Marylebone, watch the attached video and see why I was so sad and upset. It isn't about the alcohol, its about remembering all the great times and amazing memories that this day means to me, my family, my friends, and every other person that celebrates and makes memories!!

Thank you to everyone who was able to understand why i was frustrated and upset!!

PS... my mom is amazing! When you see her at the end, you know where I get my "fun" side from! I LOVE YOU LOLLY!!!

St. Patrick's Day... the history and meaning!

Tonight i went to the Marylebone for a bit. I saw the bars and remembered all the great St. Patrick Days of years past. I know this has nothing to do with Kidney or transplants but maybe it does, maybe being sick makes you think of all the great things that have happened. I remember being in high school at Gross and skipping on St. Patrick's Day, going to the Marylebone, getting my face painted, and then going to school and showing people that at the age of 15, 16, 17 I went to a bar!!! My parents were awesome enough to know that March 17 was the most important day of my young life.

Lets fast forward to NWMSU. When I was a sophomore i made my schedule according to the date of St. Patricks. I mean by this time I knew the kidneys weren't 100% but I didn't give two shits. I wanted to party. Vanessa and I got the bar super early because when you are only 19, the law frowns upon underage drinking. I was "Megan O'Sharpe" for the day, and I RSVP'd my own spot at the end of the bar. Well, by noon I was giving hugs and kisses to everyone! I mean everyone!! The liquor guy came to the bar, but since V and I were already regulars, we hid in the DJ booth. At that moment I knew Vanessa and I were like meant to be buddys!! We still laugh about that day. It was one of my favorites and still is! I never looked at March 17 the same. It has and will always be a great day for me. My junior year I sat at the bar, drank the green beer, puked the green beer, and loved everyone that crossed my path. Senior year... wet T-shirt contest. Does anyone remember that?!? I sure as hell do. It was great.

After NWMSU I still didn't give myself responsibilities on St. Pats. Took time off work and traveled to places near and far. Visiting Kathy in South Carolina... going to Georgia... "Hot Cops"... "James and the Giant Peach"... My dad giving us shot glasses. I can't forget the punching contests... the tattoos... the matching Old Navy Tank Tops.... Don't forget Chicago!! Watching them die the Chicago River. Watching the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Chicago... A M A Z I N G!!

I guess all this reminiscing on St. Patrick's Day eve makes me remember all the great times in my life. I have been bitching and moaning for years about when all of the changes in my life would begin, and now that i am here, i am OK. When I am plugged in tomorrow, in my green t-shirt, with my face painted from the Marylebone (I'll go over my lunch hour) I won't be too pissed off. For the last 13 years I have celebrated, drank, partied, and had a hell-of-a good time with the best of them. I have memories that will last a lifetime and ones that I will tell Ella, and Marlee. Memories I will share with Urban and Savannah... and Kathy's baby (whenever that is)!!! I will just think and hope for March 17, 2011 when I am back in the swing of things.At that time i will drink and celebrate with the entire crew on Leavenworth Street and toast to the "kidney adventure of 2010!!!!

I do want people to know I will be at the Marylebone after treatment tomorrow as long as my blood pressure holds up. Keeping my fingers crossed!!

Here is something in honor of my awesome Irish Father...
May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, May the rains fall soft upon your fields, And, until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

What happens during Dialysis...

I know people worry about what dialysis actually is, so i thought i would take a few moments and explain what is going on for 4 long ass hours.... I arrive about 345 and sit in a recliner and wait for a nurse to come and "hook" me up. What that means is they take my port from my chest, clean it with horrible bleach and then have me sit and "soak" for a few moments. At this time I have a mask on so that i don't pass germs into the port. So... for the next step, they put a tube on which will take the "bad blood" out of me and place it in the machine. The machine will then clean the blood by taking out the toxins that can't be broken down due to the lack of kidney function. The clean blood is then placed back in my body and after the entire process is done, i am done. While in treatment I watch TV, i play games on my IPOD and will take a few cat naps.

As you can see from the picture, they have me all tidy and neat. The red tube takes out the blood, and the blue one will put in the clean blood. I wear the mask for only a few moments so that I don't pass any germs. The nurses also wear a mask... they too have germs!! The "bib" is so the bleach doesn't get all over my expensive Old Navy 2 for 13 dollar t-shirts!! Lord knows i do not have enough Old Navy T-shirts! HA!!

I don't feel anything during the entire process, but once I am done, and stand up, i am totally light headed. Once i had to sit there for an hour so that my blood pressure would go up. For those that know me well, know that i have been on high blood pressure medication for more then ten years. Well, now with all the fluid off my body, my pressure isn't as high, and when completed with Dialysis it has gone as low as 90/45... that is fucking LOW!! i was seeing waffles and french toast sticks!

Anyway, dialysis isn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. I guess as most of you know, i was just afraid to admit that i needed it because for the longest time i thought i was invincible... guess what, I'm not!! I am feeling the best I have in years, and although i wish dialysis wasn't 4x a week, the results are fasinating!

By the way... hair does thin when doing dialysis. Some level i need to have at 5 was at 2.3 and so my hair was thinning out because of that as well. I am NOT getting Chemotherapy. She swore it wasn't the wrong "juice". I guess i will have to trust what she tells me!!!

More to come!

Am I crazy?!?

I am not really sure what the hell is happening to me. One moment I am ok, and loving people. The next, i want to shoot them in the face. I think i am going bald. I know that isn't the fact, and that i am just losing some hair, but my new obsession is thinking that i have been getting Chemo rather then Dialysis. How would i know the difference? I am crabby one minute, ok the next. Not much of a big eater anymore. And my hair is thinning out.

Anyway... I need help and ideas of how to celebrate St. Patrick's and St. Joseph's day with no alcohol. I was going to get a beer, and dip my finger in it, then rub it on my gums like Cocaine. Think that would give me a buzz/high?!?!

M

Let me get started...

Well, my oldest brother Kevin recommended that i "blog" and since i haven't gotten the Passport he suggested, i am doing this instead. If i had the chance to read into someone elses thoughts and feelings, i sure would be reading it nightly, so here i go.
First of all, i don't have the best grammer or spelling, so deal with it. I am not very creative, i just say what i feel, and some people laugh, others cringe.

As many of you reading this know, i am diabetic and have been since September 5, 1986 (y0u don't forget a day like that). Over the last twenty years i haven't followed many of the rules, and always lived as i wanted, which i won't ever regret. In October of 1992 I learned that i had another disease, "Nail Patella Syndrome" what this means is i have 2 diseases that suck badly. I mean really?? So the doctors knew that i would someday need a new kidney (although i JUST admitted this in February of 2010). When people tell you had badly things are going to suck, you seem to just ignore it. I did.

Let me bring you to current day. On February 22, 2010 I got sick. I thought it was a cold, but when i went to get a chest x-ray the doctor strongly suggested that i check in to Clarkson Hospital. When i got there they explained that the Kidney's had all but completely shut down, and fluid was building up on my lungs and in my chest. Hence the reason i was only able to walk about 15 feet before gasping for air. They told me it was time to begin dialysis. What the fuck?!?!? I was trying everything in my body to stop them, but i was weak and had just realized this was going to be the "new normal". As many of my friends know, i am stubborn and will do everything on my own. At this point, i knew i was done and had no more strength to fight. I told my family that i was putting up the white flag, and called "uncle".

So that day they inserted a chest port and started dialysis. I think that cost me a grand total of 20, 000. That was just day one! Dialysis sucked the fluid off my chest and off my body. My ankles made an appearance for the first time in about 3 months. I was able to bend over and my gut wasn't completely in the way. The nurse explained that dialysis actually takes off fluid. Again, what the fuck?!?!? I haven't been this fat all my life??! you just took off 10lbs of fluid??!?! Sign me up! I began to fall in love with this process... where's my big mac?!? well, that lasted all of 30 minutes. When you see the blood come out of your body, and go through a machine and then come back, it feels odd. Not literally of course, but i sit and watch and wonder what has happened to me. So... i do dialysis at the hospital for three days and lose about 20lbs. I think that is awesome, but i get to feeling weak and exhausted. I tell the nurse, and she says "thats normal". At that point i scream and say to her, "NOT FOR ME! MAKE ME FEEL BETTER". At that point, she inserted some fluid and thought they had "taken too much off" during dialysis.
So that started the "New Normal for Megan Sharpe". I mean i am ok for now with this, but i still feel good. i have my jobs, my energy, and my smartass attitude that i have had all my life. but what does suck, is seeing the people who don't feel well, and know that someday that will be me.
UGH.

Anyway... here is the latest, i am 4lbs from the goal weight for my Kidney/Pancreas Transplant. The Transplant Team will be meeting soon and at which point I hope to be placed on the Transplant List. But until that happens, I will keep writing crap about my adventure on here.

My amazing sister is planning a golf tournament for me in June of 2010. So hopefully that will eliminate a portion of my hospital bills. You can look up info on the tournament via facebook. anyone can sign up for the golf, or come to the dinner that evening. Of course, more information will follow.

To end my first random thought adventure, i would really really like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. I am not one to be very appreciative, but i can feel all the love and well wishes!!

So here is to my new normal, and all the adventures that come with this!!!

M