today its just 2.16.2015, and that is it...

For the last few years I have looked at February 16th as a day of change. It changed me in 2011 and I know I won't ever forget how it changed me. I have shared the story of my phone call, and how I went to work, and how Bailee and I watched Glee - so on and so forth. It wasn't until about 5 minutes ago when I was online ordering medication that I really stopped to think how this year, February 16th won't be the same as it has been.

In 2004 my grandfather died on this day, and a dear friend had her first child. To be honest, I looked up this day in history and the only thing that was seen more than one time was that in 1968 the first 911 call was made... by brother is as old as 911 and my mom is older than La Vista, Ne. Ok, back to what I will get to in 500 words or more....

For the first time in my transplant adventure, I have no emotion during an anniversary. I know that the 15th was the day my donor passed away and a prayer was said in their honor. But I have no other emotion other than I have a busy day in a few hours and all I can think of is my lack of emotion for what I went through on this day in my history.  Am I mad at my donor?  I don't know.  I mean in August I thought by this time I would have had another transplant and this "hot mess" would be over. In October I learned there were so many more rules to end my "hot mess" and now I don't know if there are many emotions left regarding my second transplant and first rejection.  Well, this was NOT my first rejection, just my first rejected organ. If you want to see my real list of rejection in love and in life, you can just ask and I will start at the very beginning and not skip a beat!!

I know I have emotion knowing that at 1am, four years ago I was getting a tube shoved down my throat so I could consume "go lytly" before the 6am surgery. I know the room I checked in was the same room I stayed in a few weeks ago when I was treated for an abscess on this said dead Pancreas.  I know that I lived a few good years as not being Diabetic, but recently I have once again realized how much this disease controls and ruins a life.  Lows and highs get in the way of conversations and concentration. I struggled to keep my cool at work because my emotions were too high. I hate that I needed to ask for help because I wasn't feeling well and needed to go home - which ultimately got me checked in at UNMC for the earlier commented on Abscess, but still, it showed Diabetes took over and it made me weak.

For the first time in many years I am not going to look at today as a day to be sad or glad or confused as to why I was so blessed to have freedom for a few years and ultimately cursed to have it return when I was starting to think I was going to be 'ok' and life was going to get more simple.

Since November and since i was asked to do all of the listed demands from transplant, I haven't contacted them.  I wondered if they would realize I was still around. It's the same concept as when Dr. Maskan told me "you will not be approved for a transplant due to your weight"... do they wait for me to call and beg? Or do i think like Dr. Myles and say "you aren't the only patient we have... call your GP".  Since November I have thought that I have been blacklisted from transplant.  I thought of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine Benis wanted to see her medical file to see what they all said about her, i want the same.  Did i burn such a hole in my treatment, do i start looking elsewhere?  Do i trust Nebraska Medicine if they don't think i am mentally stable enough to get another organ transplanted in my body? Do I trust any of the medical doctors if a student comes into my hospital room and explain that my current, transplanted/rejected Pancreas is so small they would have no problem transplanting another one in my midsection...

When in the hospital Dr. Maskan from University of Nebraska medicine came to see me, not one time was anything mentioned about my transplant goals.  Today pisses me off. I am trying to save myself and my mind by getting another surgery that not one medical professional appears to think i should have. My life starts to get dizzy!!

To finish strong - I have to keep moving... i can't see the finish line, but I am closer today than i was yesterday.

A very big thanks for everyone who called or texted a few weeks ago when i was sick.  It's all good and I am already back to whatever normal for me might be!!!

M

Always thankful

One month ago I vomited a whole lot of emotion regarding the doctor that broke me down. I talked about how hurt and shocked I was to hear everything deep down I knew was true. I have an emotional struggle with Diabetes. I don't know why I have a hard time taking care of it, and why I go from a blood sugar of 34 and the next morning its over 300? Diabetes is a horribly hard disease for me to control, and so I just do what I can do... I am trying very hard to take care of it, but from one meal to the next is so exhausting. Everything that has a carb has to have insulin - carbohydrates are everywhere!!!!!

I followed up with the diabetes team who agreed that i needed to lose weight (no number at this point of the story) to try and help control my blood sugar levels. I explained why I was a bit frustrated with the way I had been treated etc, etc... this doctor then looks at the file notes and obviously I read them. My hatred for Dr. Mastin increased/flared up again. With a much clearer mind I read the things he wrote regarding the crying, the not being able to comprehend the seriousness of the second Pancreas transplan. I didn't cry after reading it, I just sighed and realized in my own mind that I don't think I will ever get another Pancreas. No one said it, I just feel it. So at that moment I decided I need to just keep my head down, mouth shut, and listen to what I am supposed to do... moving forward, I am getting an insulin pump "T:slim" http://www.tandemdiabetes.com/Products/t-slim-Insulin-Pump/ if you care to see what this thing will look like. Rumor has it this pump is legit and with insurance, I will pay for the insulin that is changed out every few days. It'll just be another prescription. Another one... #12 for the month. Sigh.

I also followed up with Bariatrics. Good god, if anyone has a low self esteem about their weight do not go to this place. I learned that i am obese and not anywhere near a weight i should be. I told the doctor that i just needed to be taller, a lot taller. Ultimately, I was instructed to lose 45 lbs, look like Karen Carpenter, and have 1200 calories a day. Seriously. Well, I added the Karen Carpenter part, but the rest is true. Painfully true. They suggested 2 protein shakes a day, 30g of Protein each meal, and minimal carbs throughout the day. All I kept thinking to myself during the appointment was how the hell can someone lose that much weight? What will I eat? I never thought of myself as a horrible eater, but carbohydrates are the diabetic devil. If you have carbs, you take insulin. Insulin adds pounds. Less carb intake, less insulin... so on, so on, so forth.

By the end of two appointments my mind was racing. For my close friends and family, you know what that means... I am talking fast, I can't focus on one thing, I am trying to plan in my head how I am going to make everything work, and it goes on and on and on. I have decided I need to focus just on my weight and my diabetes. Comments such as if you can control your diabetes, lose weight, and make a healthier lifestyle, you might not need the other transplant. *picking up signal* Other doctors talked about losing weight and regaining stability with diabetes, my Kidney will be able to stay healthy for a long time and shouldn't see any major rejection issues *another signal*  I overeact to everything and am always on the defense, so of course I THINK the second Pancreas transplant won't happen... but no one has officially given me the word. Maybe I need to have NO in my mind, kick down each hurdle, and maybe be surprised if and when they approve me.

Today is Thanksgiving. I can think of all the things I am not thankful for, but today I am going to pretend life isn't a hot mess and I am waiting for the "call".  I am thankful that I can call my sister and she tells me "it isn't a big deal, we can do that" when we both know it'll be a long journey.  I am thankful for my mom. I am thankful she is still able to laugh and make the same jokes that I love and hate. Thankful that when raking her leaves, she was outside telling us what to do and how to do it... although we still did it our way. I am thankful for the friends I have had for years and for the friends I continue to make. I am thankful for my friend's and their growing families. For the NYC Rockettes and for season tickets to the Orpheum. I am thankful for Kayla's laugh and for the man Brandon is becoming. His sense of humor is so amazing and when he goes to Texas next year, I will be thankful for him taking chances. I am thankful for my brothers who teach me a variety of things. I am thankful for pigs - pigs make insulin... insulin saves lives. I am thankful for Turkey Trot 2014 and that 2 women I have known for a few years had a fundraiser to help out with expenses. I am thankful that I have not given up and hope to not give up. I keep thinking of a time in DC when I was literally swimming upstream and wanted to stop. I wanted to quit and toss up the white flag - I am thankful that i didn't. I am thankful for the support of people who don't know they support me. I am so thankful for Kim and her amazingly strong Kidney. I am thankful for a full tank of gas. Thankful I am able to juggle my numerous jobs and still get up daily. Thankful to have health, rental, and car insurance. I am so very thankful for those who know how cranky and depressed I get, but still call, text, and communicate.

Life isn't going to be easy, I know I will want to give up, but that isn't an option. All I want is an opportunity to lose the 45lbs, go to NYC and shop. I pray and thank God that I have been able to see happiness and heartache in such a short amount of time. Over the last 4.5 years I have been provided with the best and worst moments. I have laughed, traveled, traveled, met goals, traveled, set goals, and learned that determination and dedication are a blessing and a curse.

I hope each of you have a Happy Thanksgiving and a great shopping weekend. Let's all think of what we have and how lucky we are... here is a story on how many lives can be saved from one donor. This family makes me happy as I know how this reciepient feels. Mark your license. Talk to your family. Organ donation has kept me alive and I am living proof that it does work!!

http://www.today.com/health/grieving-family-hears-sons-heart-beat-anothers-chest-1D80319971

I always try to read positive statements and motivate myself. I hope everyone knows how hard I am trying to make sure this story has a happy ending. I hope I am approved for another pancreas transplant. I hope I am able to meet all of the doctors demands.  Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!!

 

A true feeling of shock and disappointment

A few months prior to beginning this blog in 2010, I went to UNMC for two days of "Pre Transplant" testing. This is a normal work up regarding blood work, TB testing, Psych eval, Echo cardiogram, etc. For anyone who is schedule to apply for any kind of transplant, I believe that this is the general process.

Today, October 29 was day 1 of Pancreas #2 Pre Transplant testing. Over the last few weeks I haven't been feeling great and was feeling more anxiety than normal. I could blame this on Diabetes, the Royals and all of the extra inning games, or even something to do with work. But as this entry continues, you realize gut feelings are something to follow...

Today started at 730 with 15 vials of blood work and an EKG. I had no issues with any of those items, was on schedule, and kept on moving along. 815 I go for my chest X-ray, run into a high school friend, and after about 6 minutes, I continue to breakfast and off to Transplant Team. 

At first we do the vitals, meet with the pharmacist and financial advisor. Every time you talk with a financial advisor regarding a 20,000 work up for pre-testing, and a transplant at the cost of 180, 000 you get a bit chocked up and might tear up. When you see the costs of medications that cost over 2,200 without health insurance, you start to over think -- what if I lose my job? What if this, what if that? You begin to get emotional, and from time to time, you might have some salty fluid come from your eyes... I know I did. I chose to be there alone, but to hear and really understand what they were telling me, it was scary and emotional. 

During my Psychology appointment, again I tear up talking about my image issues, my fear of my Kidney failing if the Pancreas isn't transplanted soon enough. *** In 2010 my family and I didn't want me to have the Pancreas Transplant. I was scared for two different surgeries, so we wanted just the one to keep me alive. We were told that as a Diabetic, when you live with a transplanted Kidney, you want/need to have a healthy Pancreas for the Kidney to live a longer and healthy life. ***

Over the last few months I have been thinking in fast forward about this transplant to assure that my transplanted Kidney wouldn't begin to fail. I assured blood work was done, I checked and double checked my blood work monthly and the Kidney is so strong that the doctors are OK if I don't have another Pancreas transplant. Correct. 

This afternoon I started to listen really hard to the questions that the doctors were asking about my diabetes and what made me a good candidate for another Pancreas transplant. I answered with the reason we had the transplant in 2011... to assure Kace the Kidney remains healthy and ultimately keeps me alive. "Why don't you take care of your Diabetes?"  "EXCUSE ME?" - for those that know my look and tone, you know how my eyes opened and head turned. I do take care of my Diabetes. Years ago I struggled with a disease I didn't understand and hated to deal with at the age I was afflicted with it, but I am trying my best. "How often do you test yourself?" "why don't you have a pump?" "Will your insurance pay for a pump" "what is your weight loss plan" more and more random questions about me living with Diabetes and discussions of meeting with Bariatrics... insert sobbing, can't catch my breath, what the good God, hell is going on right now? It feels as if I am not really in a place I am familiar. I know where I am, but I feel as if I am on an aircraft going to Mars...

In the time of 45 minutes I think I am getting reviewed to be approved for a 2nd Pancreas transplant to the following statements from a doctor that I met 20 minutes earlier...

1. do you take care of your diabetes

2. why do you think you should be approved for another transplant

3. out of all the patients we see, you are the only one who has cried to every single one that has entered your room

4. insert need for Bariatric doctor appointment and special diet needs

     ~~ Dr., how does any of that not make me a good candidate? do you think i am not mentally stable because i am showing emotions? do you think i don't understand that you are completely shaking up my world? do you believe this is a shock to me and when someone is in shock or hears something they aren't expecting most times they cry? (few moments of awkward glare). Please let me compose myself so you know who I really am, and not some pussy you think cries all of the time.

     ~~ So, to be clear, I am too fat in my abdomen area for the surgery, and you are telling me that I will need to meet with another surgeon before we move any further? 

5. As of October 29, 2014 you are not an appropriate candidate for a second Pancreas transplant.

     ~~ my heart sinks and take a deep, deep breath and look directly up in the air. No eye contact might help me to not cry. 

Today was one of my saddest days. I  went to Nebraska Medicine knowing I am overweight. I know any and all surgeries are high risk. But the way I felt as a patient and for being called out for showing too much emotion or more emotion than any other patient, what a hurtful thing to say. 

I left there not knowing what the plan was or wasn't. I left wondering what do I do next?? Well, in the middle of November I am going to follow up with the Diabetic doctor and try to be a better diabetic. I have an appointment with Bariatric (how about sending someone with the lowest of low self esteems to a clinic such as that)... 

Until we know more, I will remain Diabetic, bitter, morbidly obese, and still trying to wrap my head around why this all happened so fast.   

Today I learned I won't be getting on a transplant list, tonight let's end a 29 year streak!!! GO ROYALS!!!!! 

2nd verse, will it be same as the first?

2nd verse, will it be as same as the first?

I started this blog over four year ago and haven't written in it since March of 2011. And during the 2011 post, it wasn't for me, it was for a friend. I feel as if I haven't needed prayer or well wishes because I have been doing good. I have set goals and met them. Over the last 3 years and 4 months I have lived a life that I didn't realize I was ever capable of living. Well, Meggie is back, and might be looking for another Hank
I am all about anniversaries, I remember dates, events, and birthday's like its part of who I am supposed to be. On August 6, 2011, 31 military men, including a friend, Matt Mason died when a Chinook helicopter was shot down. On Tuesday, August 6, 2014, three years later, many close friends remembered our dear friend and American hero who was killed in action.  We talked of how many medals he earned, about the triathlons we have done in his honor, and the lives he will miss growing up and the boys he won't be able to play catch with. We changed profile pictures, said prayers and sent well wishes to the group of brothers who host the Cowboy Up Triathlon in Matt's honor every year.
This year on August 6, 2014,  I decided to test my blood sugar.  I hadn't been feeling well. I had all of the common "diabetic" symptoms that I chose to "forget". Constant thirst, frequent urination, so damn tired - all the time!!! Well, my blood sugar was over 450. At that moment a nightmare was coming true - Hank the Pank was not working... or something very wrong was going on.  I wish I didn't test my blood sugar, but if I didn't, who knows what would have happened.

So Wednesday goes like this... 
Test my blood sugar, freak out, call Transplant Coordinator Team "go to ER"
Check in at UNMC ER and they test blood sugar and its over 700 - (so high their machine can't read it) at this time my mind is doing that oh F my life -- what the F is going to happen now, is he dead, can he be saved?? over 700 is like death to any pancreas, let alone a transplanted one.
Get ultrasound of Pancreas and Kidney 
Go to 5th floor at Clarkson Tower - I am put on an Insulin drip to slowly bring down my sugars
Please know it is now 2:30 on Wednesday...
Dr. Miles (Kidney Transplant Team) comes in and tells me "man, i have no clue what this is. your levels were great on the 17th of July when you last came in for labs. you have a lot of ketones in your urine (fuck... that isn't good) so we don't know what do really say about the Pancreas. We will have Transplant surgeons comes in and talk about a plan"
Dr. Morris... "well, that sandwich looks great! you going to eat all of it?" (you bet your ass) Well, we don't want to call it rejection, but there isn't a lot of blood flow going in and out. There might be a clot, might be this, that, blah, blah...   we will do a Pancreas Biopsy on Thursday morning and we will know more at that time.
Diabetes team comes in and starts talking about an Insulin class, reteaching me.... I start thinking second verse, same as the first...
Thursday
Biopsy at 8am
Lot of testing of blood sugar. Every hour. Fingers poked and poked again...
Doctors come in and report same as before, "just waiting on result of biopsy"
although they are "waiting" on results, everyone including myself is preparing to hear that Hank the Pank is no more, and that we will someday restart the motions of getting back on the transplant list
Friday
It is just now 9:30, I am off of the Insulin drip. I have given myself insulin injections, just to make sure I remember how to do it :)
Now we just sit and wait for any and all results of the Pancreas biopsy. Hell, this could all be a bad joke, and a massive infection. Over the last 3 days of preparing myself that Hank has started an immediate shut down is actually happening.

Patti and I have been looking at this in a few ways - all are very true
1. It sucks
2. Its better than Aunt Kim's kidney shutting down
3.because she would be PISSED OFF!!!
4.dialysis would be a buzzkill and would take me away from so much more than Insulin will
5.Pancreas Transplant list is so much shorter than a Kidney one
6.Another awesome fundraiser? I say no, but she and others love a reason to party...

I just wanted to get all information out there so people would understan maybe this is why i have been acting so random, not being able to focus.......



AND literally the doctor walked in and said it's done. Hank is over. Rest in Peace. Here we go again....

Head up. Face forward. Lots of Xanex and back to work on Monday...  Let's do this!

Power of Prayer

I am a strong believer in the power of prayer. I asked for many prayers to Andrew a dear friend's brother in law. He did heal and made miracles happen. I am now asking for people who read this blog, near and far, religious or not to again reach out and pray for a friend Tasha Beason Berls. She is currently fighting a battle with cancer that I believe is located in several spots of her body. I met Tasha in college and was friends with her very best friend. Therefore Tasha and I became close. Close drinking buddie!! We did have a lot of fun thanks to Krambeck for making that connection.

Tasha sent me a message the other day that said I was an inspiration to her. I stopped and thought "nah". But I guess what I have been through is miraculous. I just forget that I literally still around because of the gifts I have been given. I pray that she gets to feel the same joys and successes I have over the last 13 months. This blog has helped me cope, and helped me communicate with people all over the country. I pray for Tasha, and I hope that you can help with prayer as well.

Tasha, I offer you prayers and wish you only the best success in your fight!! So now another person is in need of thoughts and best wishes! I hope that the Megan Sharpe Transplants Adventure can offer success with prayer and well wishes!!

http://www.tashasfight.blogspot.com/ - please follow her journey as well. People with all types of illness look to a much higher power to help with out success. Thank you for all of your prayers for me and my family. I know that my journey will be lifelong with both ups and downs. But now I feel blessed with so much support, I wanted to help my friend with as much support as possible.



Thanks and I have been out of the hospital for a while and am really feeling better. I am getting around well the Wound Vac. Its my little partner and I continue to have it changed every Mon, Wed, and Fri. I like the nurses, so that does help with the horrible pain, but i just love to hear them say "everything looks great". I like goals/deadlines, so my goal is to have a closed gut by CWS in mid June. I will see the docs again in the beginning of April. I sure hope I can get a release to work. Any income at this point is going to be great for me and my sanity.

Kidney Klassic - Hanky Panky Style! Please email my sister or FB her Patti Sharpe Shanahan or email at pshanahan4@cox.net she can sign up your golf team or answer any questions you may have!! Again, I am blessed with so much support. Everyone has been amazing, and for that I continue to be grateful.

Talk soon -- Sharpe

End Scene... Til next time!

I guess it shouldn't suprise too many people that I had a lot of fun today. I was out with great friends that live far west, but were amazing enough to come down and hang out with me. It worked out so well... I mean our favorite D Chi, Jeff Bailey came down to say "hi". What a great guy! Well, he was on a bus, but at least he made sure it was stopping by the Marylebone. Ha!

I love when Lolly makes an appearance in the bar scene. She has always loved coming to the 'bone because that is where 2 of her favorite daughters like to work and play. She is such a trooper and I know that she would do anything for me. She has done so much over the last year, everyone deserves a Lolly. She is so supportive, giving, loving, and will go non stop. Most times I have to force her to leave and rest. I need her more then she knows.

The friends that came from East Lincoln all the way to the 'Bone are great friends too. I don't know why there isn't one of me and Cara, but god, we always have had a lot of great memories on March 17... a vacation or two that is reminesed every year. Same with Keri Baker... Chicago about four years ago was awesome!! She loves St. Pat's so very much!! We used to get so dumb and take cabs from here to there and everywhere in between! Melanie is another great St. Pat's Partner in Crime!! These three ladies have been to see me at the hospital every time I was in. They have been supportive and great listeners. I have a lot of friends and family that support me, but it is really nice to have them ask questions and listen to the answers. I wanted to thank Melanie for being such a huge support. There have been a lot of times when I was hitting rock bottom, and she would just say the right thing to make me fight harder and keep going. I know a lot of people have read my blog, followed my story, but not everything is on here. I do give too many details from time to time, but its nice to know she knows everything and cares about how I feel and how it will effect my recovery. Melanie is a great person, and I am so very thankful to have her in my circle of family/friends.

As today was winding down, I was tired, I was ready to go home, and I was so glad I was there. As this recovery continues, I am sure I will continue to be thankful, but as a friend from Chicago said, "I miss laughing with the old Megan". It made me remember how blunt I am. How forward I am. How direct I can be. Both a blessing and a curse!! I think as I start to feel better, I will be that dick again, and I hope that everyone is ready! Meggie Moo Moo is coming around - a year later, a lot of gifts, a lot of prayers!! So thankful and so happy. Sorry Arkfeld, still too damn thankful. UGH!

Here it is...

I know that I report the same thing often. I talk about the importance of St. Patrick's Day and how much I love it. Tonight I talked to my mom, "I have to get my hair did at 10, will be there by 11, and hopefully stick around to see Pipes and Drums at 1pm. Should I wear my Tye-Dye shirt from our reunion?" Me -- Well mom I don't know what to tell you. If you can find it, that would be cool. Maybe Patti and I can wear ours as well. "Well Megan, I am not really sure where it is, but I can start to look for it." Me -- Mom it isn't that big of a deal, I don't want you worrying about it all night. "True, my other green shirt shows my 'shamrocks' much better." What an awesome mom. Every year she puts 2 shamrock stickers on her cleavage to get people to laugh. Now I know why I love making people laugh as well because I love my teacher!

So tomorrow will be a great day and a sad day. I will be missing all the friends that I have been with over the years. I will miss my dad as he loved listening to the Pipes and Drums roar playing some of his favorite Irish Hymns. I will miss Vanessa, our belly up to the bar day. I will miss the "hot cops" in Savannah GA. But you know what I won't miss? The feeling of being weak. Being depressed and unsure of what my future might hold. But that is in the past, and I am learning to look only in the future as I know that is where the rest of my life is heading.

I look forward to tomorrow. The Omaha gals are getting together... Melanie, Cara, Keri Baker, and Tammi Cisler. I mean come on, that is St. Patrick's history and future in its prime... Baker and I -- Chicago. Cara, Melanie and I -- Hilton Head, Savannah. I really am a very blessed person to be loved by so many. I know everyone has loved ones in their lives, but during my experience, I have really seen it and believed it. I have tears of joy and excitment to know that my St. Patrick's Day 2011 is how I imagined it... me alive and being with the people I love the most. Done and done!!



where ever you are tomorrow, what ever you may be doing. Take a moment and remember those dumb things you did when you were young. The classes you skipped. The people you spoke with. The people you met. The memories that YOU have made. Vanessa mentioned that her and I need to belly-up like we did over 10 years ago. I smiled and said to myself, "my poor friend doesn't realize, I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN". Now, I look forward to planning how me and my KC girls will get a bar and a place to belly up in the near future. Uh Oh, V -- what have you started!?!!? :)



To end, a song in memory of my dad. When Irish eyes are smiling, the whole world smiles with you... Katie, how about this one is for Ursula as well??? As she was as Irish as they come!! May she and Ray rest in peace together!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIsduCQ7ByE

Talk soon....

Peace Out!

Welll the plan is for me to leave the hospital today. All we are waiting on is for the portable wound vac to be delivered. I will be going back to the Schracks as I move around a lot more when there. My plan is to start my 10 minute walks and get everything in proper order. I am really really happy that I am feeling better so that St. Patrick's Day 2011 can and really will happen. Like I have said so many times, it isn't about the drinking, as I won't be drinking, it is about people watching and traditon me and my family has made.

I will be going to get my wound cleaned 3x a week at 9am. I will be getting bloodwork every Monday and Friday. I take that as a good sign that everything is working in the correct direction. I already feel so much better and ready to get my getting on! ha ha.

There are photos attached to the right side of the blog that actually show what the wound looks like with no dressing on it. I know that people were grossed out, especially my brother Kevin. He hated it. I laughed. Wishing everyone a great week and thanks again for everyone who visited, called, text, etc... your thoughts and prayers were felt near and far.

Talk to everyone soon!! Megan

Morning Surgery

Hello! I just wanted to follow up with how the surgery went this weekend. Well, the wound was "opened" and will remain so for a few weeks/months. I have a sponge and a large large plastic cover to protect it. The reason they have to leave it "open" is so that the bacteria and infection can be drained from it. I believe that this completely helped my hip pain. I do and will have some soreness due to being opened up again, but the pain I was feeling prior is all gone!! whew!! I was mostly worried about being opened and the pain never going away.

I have attached a photo. I know that everyone knows that I am not thin, so I have no real issue showing you this picture. As you can see the wound has been opened. The black is a sponge that is soaking up blood and fluid. The tube, as you can see will drain everything into a bag. The bag and area will be cleaned 2x a week by a visiting nurse. The nurse will take care of cleaning wound, changing bandage, and making sure everything is healing as planned. Morris said that healing the wound from the inside out will help it to heal even better. He said that everything looks good and should heal properly.

Hopefully I will be out in the next day or two. Just waiting for everyone to give me the all clear and the go ahead. I am really really feeling good. I think that Thursday will still be happening... I know that a lot of people may be questioning me and my decision, but if Dr. Morris says, "you can use the drain vac bag to his people on St. Patrick's Day!"... so that gives me the all clear to go out and play. Not drink, but to have fun!! YAY!

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and support!! My friend from KC even came up to surprise me after her daughter's meet. It was good to see her and her family. Like we all know, we make the best of friends in college, and I was fortunate to meet all of my very best friends in those 4.5 years!

So here is to getting out, getting better, getting a job, and getting on my own!! Hank and Kace are doing really really well and the doctor feels very optimistic. My infection wasn't abnormal but was just scary non the less.

BTW... Kidney Klassic Part II... Doing it Hanky Panky style. Saturday June 4 @ Shoreline with dinner at the Marylebone!! PLEASE email my sister -- pshanahan4@cox.net to sign up your team. It was so much fun once, we are going to keep the tradition going. Next year, all proceeds will go to UNMC and help out other families who have been going through the same ups and downs as I have.

Love to you and all of yours!! Again I am very thankful and gracious for all my friends, family, and support system. I couldn't have done all of this without the assistance of so many people.

well... plans have really changed!

Well, well, well... I am back at Clarkson Tower. As everyone knows I have been having a lot of pain in my right side. Not so much in my incision area, but lower, more like my hip. So yesterday the pain was intolerable. I called the nurse and then she set up an appointment for me with Dr. Morris. When he came into the room, I wasn't able to hold my composure and just let loose. Let him know that it was horrible, and I couldn't take it anymore. why was there no relief? Will it ever get better?? ugh!! So another Doctor asked if I wanted to get admitted today or wait until Monday. As tears are streaming down my face I beg them to decide. "Whatever I say, I will question and wonder if it was right". So Morris and Vargus say that they want to admit me today.

I don't know too much, because like I had mentioned, I was very emotional and wasn't able to really "listen and comprehend" what they were saying. From what I understand tomorrow I will go to surgery where they will reopen my incision and remove some bacteria and look at possible nerve damage. So other then that I am not really sure what they will be doing. The doctor did remind me that the pain will continue to be there. I look at him with my big crocodile tears and ask, "will it ever go away?" and he responded that this should help. For those that really know me, today was a mental breakdown. I usually can handle it. I usually can deal with whatever i am dealt. Today was a different story.

So now the plan is that I will be in surgery tomorrow and hopefully feeling better in a few more days. In a perfect world, I would be up and at em by Thursday... but I am preparing myself for healing and getting rid of this pain that hasn't let up in over 3 weeks.

No one really knows that I am here, so I thought rather then just FB post some random statement, I would explain everything... I am not nervous or worried, I am just ready to feel relief. PS -- THIS IS NOT PANCREAS REJECTION... they are not worried about Hank, just the pain I have had for this whole recovery.

OK.... Talk in a few! M

know any diabetics??

I am being serious. I know how very expensive it can be to have Diabetes. I have NUMEROUS SEVERAL TONS of supplies that can be used. I have the little lancets that are used to "prick" your fingers. I have syringes for Insulin. Ultra One Test Strips. AND I even have a lot of Insulin, "Humalog"... please if you know anyone, I would love to elimanate some expenses. I have been there, and now more then ever I know how every little penny can count. I mean every little bit makes a difference, and now that I am literally out of money, I want to help someone else... as people have helped me.

If not, I will just put everything in the trash and that is money down the toilet. Thanks for looking!!

M

8 days

In 8 days St. Patrick's Day 2011 will be here. For some people that is a drunk day. Other people, it is amature night. For me, for me it is tradition. If you look back to my entry last year about this time I was majorly depressed. I was in denial. I didn't really know what was going on. All I knew is that I couldn't have the day off, and I had to do Dialysis for four long hours. Last year I did go to the bar, I did go to Dialysis, and I did go to work. This year, well, this year I have only one of those things to do. Go to the Marylebone!!! Hip hip hooray! I don't have a full time job bc I was medically terminated from the one I had last year. I still work at Blue, which I am extremely thankful for, but I still haven't been "cleared" to return to work. Last year after Dialysis I was weak, I wasn't in any mood to be there. I had two amazing friends come to say "hello". Melanie and Kelsie stopped by. They supported me and the 10 minutes I was there. Ran into the Rock/LoSole clan... it was all together sad and exciting. This year is a whole new excitement. I have been given that second chance I have talked about for the last 4 months. St. Patrick's isn't about the green beer or the corned beef, it is about the tradition I have made for me and my friends over the years. It is about hearing Bags and Pipes. Having Patti and Tammi work their butts off while I hang out and just watch. This year, I will have support in numbers. Melanie is going to hang all day... or as much as a mommy can!! She turned 30 last week and wants a day to celebrate the blessings we have both been given and the blessings that will continue coming our way!!

Love that everyday is getting easier. I still have pain in my hip, but I look at it as the "new normal" (At least until March 21... then I freak!!) Hope everyone is doing well and is loving those near and far from them. Friends and family are really the greatest gifts we all have. I am fortunate to have both!!

-M

Moving around...

Well it has been 15 days since Hank and I met. He is doing well and does the job he was asked to do. But during the recovery everything has been a lot harder. I keep thinking I will wake up and the pain will be gone, but day by day, it does get better. Today I actually left Patti's house. I went to Schrack's to get my tickets to Mama Mia, clean clothes, and a bra. LOL. That is fact, I haven't had a bra in over 2 weeks!! Who cares? I don't. It was nice to see the sun and get out on my own. Just some motion was good motion. I went to get my hair did and felt so great to get all done up. By done up I mean clean hair and a shampoo. I even put in my contacts!!! I did begin to get sore, so I knew to slow down and rest up. I know limits and don't over do it because I just can't.

Anyway, the pain is still there and the doctors remind me that this is a normal feeling and that Hank was placed on some of my bowels which makes everything a lot harder and longer to heal. It was just great to be up and moving... but with that comes the thoughts of all that has to go on next. Work, health insurance, and apartment. I know that my body is still healing, but people have to understand, a whole new life is and will be beginning any day now. I have had 2 amazing gifts given to me, so now I need to make everything a bit better!! I want to work harder, be friendlier, and make people feel more welcome. I am going to accept change and "roll with it"! Ha.

Goals for the next few weeks/month is to make sure that Hank is doing his job. Attempt to get type of income, whether that be Blue or find some full time work. Then I have to move out and get back on my own. I was teasing my friend Julie last week while she was visiting me and said that I know she has like 4 different kitchen sets... and that I would be doing some shopping at her place!! Thank goodness her husband is a fan of mine!

I hope that everyone is doing well, and with time, I too should be back on my feet and able to get on with everything that I seem to be stressing over. I will be checking in from time to time and in case anything changes with my newest additions.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers! Good ol' Megs will be back shortly, or so I hope.


M

OMG!! What a long strange trip it has been...

So... I haven't been writing at all this week because I will tell you what, I wasn't even sure where to begin. Let me explain this as best I can, in the manner I tell it best, in a chaotic fashion!!

It started over a week ago. On Tuesday February 15, I was called by UNMC about 2pm. I was told, "we may have a pancreas offer, but it might not work because it may be too small". That was sad to hear, but I said "ok" and accepted this possible amazing gift. I was told to go about my day and just go on like nothing was happening. UGH. So, I call Patti. I forget to tell her again that my "water had broke". I called to say "oh crap, here we go again". We decide, well she tells me not to tell anyone, including my mom. Of course the Schrack's know because Kim could hear me talking. It was exciting. Right about 245 I was called to work at Blue as someone was sick and I was "on call". I go to work and explain to a few people that if I get a "call" from UNMC I would have to leave due to possibly getting my Pancreas. They, as always we accepting and told me whatever needed to happen would be ok. I mean really people... PLEASE support Blue Sushi or Roja Mexican Grill. They have supported me and donated so much to me over the last year during this entire adventure. NO OTHER job has been so flexible or giving to me. If you want to help me show gratitude, please eat at their restaurants. Seriously, they have been so supportive and never let me go. For that, I thank them time and time again.

Ok, I work on Tuesday the 15th. I get home about 9pm and Bailee and I sit on the couch and watch "Glee". We are both just hanging out and about 10pm my phone rings and the nurse said "its a go". So what this now means is that the organ looks good, the doctor has accepted it, and it is now on its way to Omaha. She asked that I get to Med Center for blood work with in the hour. So now I call Patti tell her "here we go" then I call Lolly to say "my water broke". She says ok and asks what is going on. I tell her that I will be there in an hour and we will go from there.

So I get Lolly about 11:45 and then Patti meets us at the hospital. I get my blood work then check in to the Clarkson side. I was taken up to a room where they started an IV and gave me "go lytly".... that sucked. I didn't get too much rest due to the fact I was being asked the same questions about 20 times. But this whole time I wasn't thinking about what I was getting, I was thinking about what a family was losing. I mean when the nurse said "it may be too small" that can't be an older person or an adult. A child. I was starting to get sad. I mean as I am so happy, thrilled, and shocked. They too were shocked, but not for any of the same reasons. By this time it was about 4 am. Patti and Lolly were long gone, as I directed them to go home and get rest. The next 48 hours would be exhausting enough. By this time I wasn't able to finish my "poop potion" so a tube was inserted in my nose. This fluid was now poured down my nose and directly put in my tummy. I do remember going downstairs for a chest x-ray and as soon as the doors open, here comes my awesome cousin Connie Flip. I stand up and was like "hi. I'm here!!" she gave me a big hug which calmed me a few degrees. She rode in the elevator and talked to me which was nice and peaceful. She for some reason was working overnight which ended up being a blessing for me. I had family with me when needed. I think about this time was told the Pancreas was actually in the building and it was being worked on. I mean it was IN MED CENTER being worked on for ME!!!! holy fuck!

Ok, so after the chest xray and learning Hank the Pank was here, I go back to my room and just wait. I want to say about 6am I was taken down to pre-op. After I get down there I just get more questions and give more answers. I won't even start to pretend I was listening. The "go lylty" was really beginning to work. I get up a few times, and when they want to help me walk to the bathroom, I get angry. "Ma'am I can do this on my own"... "No, please let me help you"... "NO. I WILL GO ON MY OWN". She then makes the comment to my mom, "good luck with that one"... some day I will find and make her apologize for that comment. My family knows I am evil, they can handle it. Bitch. HA HA!

Ok, at exactly 7:19am I get another call from my nurse coordinator. "It is compatible, its an all clear". I look to my mom and my other cousin that came by after work and gave them both thumbs up... here we go. After that everything was foggy. I kinda remember being rolled down to the room, but not as clear as it was with the Kidney.

Now we fast forward........

I think it is about 2pm when I wake up. My mom's BFF is there with her, and thank goodness bc when Lolly is calm, we are a little bit calmer as well. Thanks Jeannie!! I remember waking up and being in horrible pain. I was telling the doctors and nurses how much it hurt and how uncomfortable I was. From this point on I compare everything to the "kidney transplant". In October I was able to wake up and was ready to go. In February I was in pain. I was in ICU for a day and couldn't get comfy. I wanted to sit up, but wasn't able to. I wanted to drink, but I was sucking on sponges. My mouth was so dry. I was so tired. I told my family to leave, go home, rest. I knew that all I would be doing is sleeping. Patti left like I wanted, but Lolly sat there the whole time. She said she wanted to make sure she was there when Kevin landed from Dallas... that was just her being funny. It was way too cold for him to come visit!

About 10am on Thursday I was taken out of ICU and down to (SOTU) Solid Organ Transplant Unit on the 5th floor of Clarkson Hospital. Again, I was still in pain. I wasn't bouncing back as I wanted, which I had to be reminded several times that his was my 2nd transplant in 4 months. really?? 4 months I was saved by 2 different people. Like I said, what a long strange trip its been. So the weekend comes and goes. Still in pain, and not really in a great mood. I try to keep people away, but it was great to have some visitors. Weekly stopped by and that was awesome!!! Melanie came and did my toes, walked with me and just sat and visited. As always she brings treats, movies, and stickers. Such a great friend. Julie brings a basket of treats, Chipotle, bagels... everything I like. Farley, Leverett, Stacey, Kelsie... I mean so blessed to have friends and family to come and see me. I know that people wanted to visit, but if they were at all sick... DON'T COME. NOT INVITED!! ha ha.

So now we are talking Monday, February 21st. By this time the nose tube is gone. The catheter is gone. Now I can eat... very lightly. This may be a lot of information, but now to go home, I have to have a bowel movement and pass gas. So what you are telling me is I have to fart and poop? yes. Ok. I got it. Well, guess what, I didn't. I couldn't go either. It was crazy. Let's go back a little bit and explain why it is so important to do the above things. Hank the Pank can be attached to either the bladder or bowel. This one was placed on the bowel, and to make sure there were no "leaks" i have to do all of the gas things a body does. So farting and pooping so very important to make sure everything is working and working how they want it to.

Over the last 5 days, I haven't had to take any insulin. Like for the last 24 years I have woken up, took insulin, and went on from there. I haven't had to do that. It was crazy... nurses, doctors, social workers, everyone telling me that I am an ex-diabetic. So from Wednesday the 16th until Monday the 21st so much has already changed. Every time my blood sugar was tested it was "normal". "good job Megan..." I didn't do anything! I just ate a cookie. I just had some juice. My whole world has been flipped around. Just unreal. Today while writing this, I am still in shock about the whole insulin thing. Anyone need syringes? Humalog Insulin? Test Strips? I will no longer need them.

Ok... rewind to Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of this week. My pain is still the same. Every time a nurse walks in, I am asked what my pain level is. I usually can tolerate a 4 or 5 but this week been at a solid 7/8/9. My stomach was getting worse and the pain was intolerable. I was miserable. On Wednesday the 23rd I wasn't able to sleep. I was puking (OUCH) and still couldn't fart or poop. I was bawling my eyes out begging for any relief. Help me. It was horrible. So that night sucked. I felt as if I was dehydrated and couldn't even function. It felt like a hangover from the World Famous Outback. The ones that we would have all night. The shakes, gagging, cold, hot, sweating. Miserable. This continued to Thursday morning due to the fact I was still puking and still unable to function on my own. Thursday mid-morning I was given Saline solution which totally began to help. I was no longer feeling so weak and tired. I wasn't ill, and guess what?? I passed gas. The horrible pain in my stomach was slowly starting to get some relief. And so I guess the rest is history, my bowels starting moving, I was feeling better, still sore, very sore, but tolerable pain.

I was released from Clarkson Tower on Friday, Friday February 25th. This time I was released with a new functioning Pancreas from a family who had to lose someone. I was given a whole new life. I have been given a second chance two times, and I am only looking forward. I was thinking to myself a few days ago that all of this started this time last year. It was the end of February 2010 when I started Dialysis. I started doing the steps to have a better life. Last year I missed a few birthday parties due to healing. Those same parties are going on today.

I listened to the song "5 hundred 25 thousand 600 minutes"... how do you measure, measure a year? A lot has happened to me over this last year. So many people have given so much. My sister planned an amazing fundraiser that lasted me until this month. I was able to pay all bills, medical expenses, cobra, medicare, etc until just this month. what a great job she and everyone else that helped out did. A lot of friends and family helped so much this year. People were so generous. For every ones help, that can be measured in love people have for me. Schrack's opened their home to me. They have always been like family to us, but since June, they have been. They are amazing people who I know love me, and I love them for being so kind and generous. People offer help all the time, she follows through. Kim, if and when you read this, I want everyone to know how grateful I am. You opened your heart and home to me, and haven't ever made me feel like I don't belong. I guess in the 19 years I have known the Schrack family, I never thought it would be in this capacity!! Their love is unconditional. My mom. Oh Lolly. She will go to the ends of the earth for me. She will do whatever and I can't thank her enough. She gives and gives to so many people, and from time to time she can annoy, she tries so hard. gives so much. I hope people know that about her. She can love and does love unconditionally. I have to thank my Uncle Jeff as well. Over 25 years ago he saw a girl in a red bikini... and he asked her to marry him. Little did she know that she would be saving my life. Literally, saving my life. As I look back to July/August, I was running on empty. Unable to do all I wanted, but faked it as best I could. At our dinner at that loud restaurant my mom loves... when that match fell out of that card, and she told me "its a match" it was music to my ears. My heart melted and tears of joy filled my eyes. It was magical. I had that same emotion when I got the call on the 15th... someone else touched my life. Someone touched your lives as well. They lost a loved one, so you can continue to have me. We don't know anything about the donor. Dr. Morris said something about a 10 year old. But I will be writing the family and go over the last year, or the last 24 years of my life.

For when I see you again, I will not be introducing myself as "Hi, I'm Megan, I have diabetes". I will just say "Hi, I am Megan, and I have a new outlook on life". Hey, I will still be a smart ass, but just know its because I care!

For the next week I will be healing to see Mama Mia and celebrate (downscaled of course) Melanie's 30th bday celebration. Being with friends and family is so much sweeter when I know I will be doing it for years to come.

Ok... I will check in after St. Patrick's Day. We all know how last St. Patrick's was for me. Can't wait for St. Paddy's Day 2011 - The new Megan way!!

Final thoughts... Thanks to everyone. Everyone has helped. Everyone has prayed and wished me good thoughts. I know that I am loved by so many people. Even those that dicked me over... cough cough... donate to Salvation Army... I know everything happens for a reason and I will be better off for a new change.

Signing off... Megan

3 months today

Well, I haven't been up to date on the big bad blog. It isn't because I don't care, it is because I have been so busy LIVING!! Three months ago today we had the Kidney Transplant. It was a bit of a recovery for Aunt Kim and myself, but today, January 26 we are both doing exceptionally well. The kidney functions at the level of a "normal" kidney. I am back to work at Blue Sushi in the Old Market but did not go back to Goodwill Industries. I still am living with Kim and Bailee Schrack, and hope that I can get out of their hair within the next few months. Kim and Bailee have both been very supportive and kind with letting me stay here after surgery, while waiting for the Pancreas call.

So over the last few months I have been working at Blue and living again. I know I was "alive" but I was in such a fog, that I seriously have a hard time remembering August and September. Odd. So now I see more clearly and try to make more sense of everything going on around me. I have gone out and been social with some many friends. I can go a whole day without napping. I can go up stairs without having to stop for air. I have taken "Zumba with Tena" numerous times and can do the whole class. I have ran on a treadmill. Walked with 2 big dogs. I just feel like the "new megan" is really doing everything I said I wanted to do.

So, for those that follow and are friends with me on FB, let me please run down the events of last night. I recieved a call from UNMC about 4:30 from a nurse. The nurse said that they were calling to "offer me a pancreas". The nurse again explained that this donor was considered a "high risk" which she told me this person was a current IV drug user. The donor had been tested for HIV, Hepitatis, and STD's. The tests all came back clear. Ok. Ok. At this point I am like WTF do I do?? I call Patti, we talk for a few moments and she agrees with me and thinks that the doctors won't offer me a bad organ. Then, then I call Lolly. Her first word, "did you ask Patti?" I tell mom that I want her opinion... "what did Patti say?" Then after a few moments, she too says to accept the offer. At that point I did tell her that Patti did agree! So at this point I page the nurse, who calls the doctor, who then I think calls to accept the offer. About an hour later she calls and says that I shouldn't tell anyone becuase something still may go wrong and that she will be in contact with me and my instructions shortly. Well, you know me. I can't keep my mouth shut. I have to tell everyone. Well, I really didn't, my mom did!! I look on FB after I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything, and funny funny thing, Aunt Kim had already heard and popped it on there. I paniced but know that she was doing exactly what I wanted to do. She is so damn sweet!!

At this point I have recieved instructions to check in to the hospital at Midnight to check in and get some blood work done. I mean I am calm this whole time or maybe in utter shock. I get a bag. Grab my meds and chargers for computer and phone. Some sweats and a few tshirts. I talk to Kim Schrack and decided that shaving my legs was also a must. :) So I add a razor and some makeup in my bag. I stop and think what will I eat for the last supper... well with the Kidney we had Blue. As a fan of tradition, I order it again and we eat dinner at Patti's house. Uncle Jim and Leah come over bc they too were at dinner. And at this point I needed everyone that lives in Omaha who was at the dinner come to Patti's house. We eat our food. We laugh and talk about who will need to be called etc. Well, at 9:53pm (looked at phone) the nurse called me and said that Dr. Morris saw the Pancreas and decided it wasn't a good one and didn't accept it. Ok, yes, that did suck, but those who really know me, know that I would have been worrying about the "what if" of having an IV user Pancreas in my body. I can honestly say that I wasn't too upset or disapointed with the decision. Now I know what will go on with the "call" and will learn from this mistake I WILL NOT POST ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK.... knowing me, I feel guilty about getting others worked up. Damn Catholic Guilt!!

So now we again wait. Life will go on. I will continue to work, work out, and be social. I really was thinking so far ahead when I got the call... I can go back to work full time. I will be able to afford an apt. I learned that I have to get the organ before I am thinking months ahead!!!

I added some pictures that show me recently wtih some friends out being social again... it really feels good to be going again!! It was a long year of doing nothing but cleaning blood! ha ha.

February 23 is one year since the adventure began... I will check back in then to tell everyone what the year has meant to me!!

post surgery... 23 days

So I meet with Dr. Morris on Monday the 15th. He says that things are going well, but my levels continue to fluctuate. He isn't too worried as my body continues to adjust with such a surgery. I sometimes forget how big of a deal this is as I feel so great. My swelling has gone down in my leg, so that is good. I had a clotty substance in my drain bag last Thursday, so I paged the Radiologist on-call. He wanted me to come in and so he could "flush" the bag. He attempted to flush it, but the clotty substance wasn't clearing out. He thought that my drain line needed to be bigger, I was like "whatever" I just want the thing to work. Sooo, for the third Friday in a row I check in at Clarkson and get a "procedure" done. This was just like that week before. They gave me medication but didn't put me to sleep. I was able to tell them what my issues were and that I had starting having some abdominal pain. They said that there was some fluid collection and it should be drained. I normally overreact but they were glad that I called. Again, I was under medication for less then an hour, I was actually still able to meet Dougherty for lunch. Mind you Lollz was there, but we all love Lollz!!

I was given a prescription so that I could flush the line myself. I went to three Kohll's pharmacy's today, and on the final straw, when I was about to lose it, I was able to get what I needed and was able to finally head home. When I get home I notice that fluid had collected around my belly again. I just decide to rest and take it easy. If it doesn't get any better or I don't feel relief tomorrow I will check in with someone... at this point I don't think that it is at the worrying point.

Going back to work at Goodwill a week from this Tuesday. I will be doing the exact same job, but only at 30 hours. So that means no health insurance. I will be getting paid less money, but I am bored and need to work to pay for COBRA. I am learning that this is a vicious cycle.

To end on a good note, I got a letter from Coventry that they have approved the Pancreas Transplant. I know that a lot of people didn't realize that I also needed that organ as well. This will not magically take away my Diabetes, but it will give me more freedom AND keep Kace the Kidney very healthy and live in me a lot longer... or so I hope. (Still waiting to hear from UNMC, but if insurance says 'ok', UNMC should be calling Monday or Tuesday!!)

Checking in...

So I go to meet with Dr. Morris on Thursday at which time he says, "Oh shit. That is big". Really? Where is your poker face? He claims that I have fluid built up around the Kidney that needs to be drained. So, I schedule an appointment with radiology on Friday morning to have a tube placed in my belly and have a bag collecting fluid. The PA that was working me up stated that this "should" help the swelling, and it will remain in until it is done working. People who know me know that IS NOT the answer I wanted to hear. I plan. I like knowing what the hell is going on. I am awake during the procedure, but high as a kite, I mean I was asking questions and saying, "is that normal? should that fluid be so red? Is this working?" I know they had to be annoyed with me. The entire procedure last about 30 minutes and I was in recovery no longer then one hour after they began. I felt better and seeing fluid come in the bag did make me feel better. I was able to see progress. Tomorrow, Monday morning Aunt Kim and I have our 3 week follow up. If everything is ok with her, she is all done! Like done with this process... just will need to follow up with her local physicians. I am sure that my levels are still "adjusting". Like I have, and the only thing that keeps me going is that the Kidney continues to work very well, and all levels Kidney related are "wonderful".

I will check in when I have something new to report. So, since I get bloodwork tomorrow, I am sure something will be different or need to be looked at even further. Been kinda a bitch all weekend, little tiny pity party... I am sure in a few days I will be back to whatever the new normal is. My Mazel of the Week is going to Tena Hahn for bringing me 3 seasons of, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". I will have a week of laughing! Can't wait!!

Keep it real everyone and be thankful for the little things in life... I am learning to do so....

Week 2.... Terrible 2's!!

Ok. Let me give a quick rundown of week 2. I get bloodwork on Monday, and my "anti-rejection" medication level is way too high. This does happen after a transplant, I am still in the "try and figure it out stages". I return Tuesday to see if it had gotten any better. Well, on Tuesday they see that my Phosphorus is way too low. So what do I do? I go to the 3rd floor of the Lied building and get 5 hours of a Phosphorus Transfusion. Worst thing about that?? The 2 hicks I had sitting next to me. I mean H I C K S!!! So, I am sitting there and when I stand up, I notice my whole left side is wet. The nurse thinks I spilt my water, when I tell her to take a closer look and notice what color it is. "oh" she says... my incision leaked. Not a little, but a lot. I panic. She and the surgeon both said that I must have had a "puss bubble" under my skin and it just leaked. Again, normal after surgery, but odd for 2 weeks post transplant. So, I realize I am just a medical mystery!! I get home Tuesday and just relax and visit with the girls as they just returned from Miami. Wake up Wednesday and again go for bloodwork at UNMC. Again, I get a call a few hours later. Phosphorus went up from 1.1 to 1.5... WTF? that is all?? but whatever. Anti-rejection is still at 22... should be in single digits, again WTF? So here is where the fun begins. I go to take a shower and notice that my left leg is twice the size of my right. I panic. I call the nurse who says, if you notice any changes, please call back it may be a blood clot. Those that know me know that I notice any teeny tiny bit of change, I freak. SO, about 20 minutes later, ten minutes after 4 I call and the "on call" coordinator says to go to ER, again it may be a blood clot. So, Patti picks me up and takes me to the ER. We get called back a lot sooner then some of the other people waiting. Look at my leg, and there were no poker faces there, it was bad. So, they start an IV, get a vascular ultrasound, and one of my Kidney to check for a blood clot. Guess what?? I am a medical mystery. No fucking blood clot. Not sure why it is swollen. Not sure what to suggest. She would go ask the surgeon as he is upstairs doing an emergency Kidney Transplant, and the Fellow (Dr. V) just left on a plane to get a Liver and Small Bowel. HOW COOL?!!? So I go back to the doctor today at 11 and see if I am collecting fluid or what the F is really going on.

Hope everyone has a great day. BTW, Kidney is working. Levels for the Kidney are "outstanding"... I was told that this does happen after surgery but usually not 2 weeks out. So I am REALLY NOT worried. If this is the worst that happens to me, I can deal with ER trips and all that jazz. I mean I feel so much better then I did 17 days ago. But whose counting!!??!

YouTube - Stand Back Up

YouTube - Stand Back Up


I have been having a mini pity-party today... I listen to this song, cause I will stand back up. Probably tomorrow, or maybe not for a while, but I will beat it!!! People who know me know how I look at music as a way to express what I am feeling, so when everyone asks how it is going... this pretty much sums it up!!

Love to everyone!!

Goodbye Rubber Tube... and other stuff

Tomorrow (Nov 5) I am going back to the hospital to get my "tube" taken out. I again will be "under" and hopefully will bounce back over the weekend. This is out patient so I will be home in my bed tomorrow night. I check in at 7 and if everything goes ok hope to be home healing by 4.

I went to Goodwill today to learn that my job no longer exists. Budget cuts. They are going to hire 2 people at 30 hours and eliminate my full time position. I think it won't work out in their best interest, but I don't make that decision. Hopefully other programs will be available when I am cleared to return to work. Otherwise I have to look at this as an opportunity to grow, learn, and move on to yet another adventure. Sigh. I also went to appeal the Social Security decision to not allow me to collect disability. Well, I learned that it takes about 5 months to get anything or any type of income. So Patti suggested we try unemployment. I just never ever thought of myself as one to collect such a benefit. Eye opening. So I really hope the Schrack's don't mind me... don't seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

Pancreas update... I called the nurse and she said that she is waiting for the insurance company to approve it. Could you just imagine if they said no?!?! WTF??! :) she hopes to hear from them sometime tomorrow, so my phone won't be ringing right away for a Pancreas. Lets just pray and hope that it comes within my current healing period so that I don't have to start a new job and then leave it within a few months.

I am still healing from last week. My belly is still really sore, so I will check in with the doctor tomorrow to assure everything is ok, which I am sure it is. It continues to be tender and sore as the Kidney sits in the front towards the pit of my stomach.

So, I sit and watch Old School for the 3rd time this week with two of my FAVS... Hannah and Bailee. I mean who can be sick of Old School, its a classic!! Love to watch them play with Noah and scream like kiddos!! Anyway, I have learned to re love Old School... You're my boy blue!

I will update again this weekend to let everyone know that the rubber tube/prom night dumpster baby is all gone.